I don’t know about you but I don’t like New year’s resolutions. I never have. They have a way of making me feel less than, that I’m lacking somehow. It’s not the goals that bother me, because those are necessary, it’s the approach. If you’re one of those highly successful new-year-new-me achievers, then props to you! Seriously, I admire your resolve. But if you’re a lowly human like me who finds this daunting, then read on.
We’re into the first week of January and I think about it every day as I see people discuss their resolutions or their disappointment of how they’ve already broken them. Really, do we need another stick to beat ourselves with?! Research proves that in those who do make resolutions there is an 8% success rate of follow through. Cool! So where does that leave the rest of us? I think if we struggle with the concept, we can reframe our thinking. Instead of trying to make ourselves over, we can acknowledge how far we’ve come and decide to love ourselves exactly where we are. This is not a new concept, but one we shy away from. Shaming is so much more socially acceptable. Why not own the resilience and courage we brought with us because of whatever we’ve been through, show ourselves some grace and give ourselves a pat on the back? We need more of that. That doesn’t mean we can’t improve, learn and strive for things that we want more of, but the objective needs to include loving ourselves. Where we are. Period. Without planning some big purposeful quest, and with the knowledge that showing up, with exactly what we have, is also enough.
In my attempts to move toward those things that bring me closer to the life I want, I have learned that we each have unique processes that are effective for our personal development.
One size does not fit all.
Sometimes we are achieving monumental strides in simply surviving. 2020 gave us a lot to grow through, a plethora of emotions to identify that were foreign to us and ultimately revealed our badassery. To set a timer on transformation and frame our resolutions like a promise we can break, often carries the weight of regret, unworthiness or inadequacy. I’m giving you permission to take yourself off the hook, not that you need it. I just know that sometimes we don’t let ourselves coast until somebody tells us it’s okay.
So, it’s okay.
Take a deep breath.
Enjoy where you are right now.
If you want to know what would best serve you next then simply listen. Unless you’re a complete slug I really doubt you’re going to fall into the oblivion of apathy without a plan in place. Allow yourself to be. Remove the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary. Slow down and notice. Pay attention. To how the life you’re living makes you feel. How the people you spend your time with nurture or deplete you. How the things you spend your life doing support or take away from what you really want. We deserve this kind of self care. Not just because we’re in the middle of a pandemic that has stretched us to our limit but because we owe it to ourselves to know that anything we practice comes from a place that we design.
This is about so much more than how we view resolutions. It’s about not buying into someone else’s idea of perfection, purpose, or anything that doesn’t come from a sphere of authenticity inside of us. If you don’t know what authenticity feels like, because you’ve been so busy living outside yourself, try this…next time you’re faced with any decision, make it, sit with it and see how it resonates in your gut. Does it belong to you, or does it come from a space that doesn’t feel organic? Do you have pangs of doubt or peace?
It’s okay to stop doing shit we don’t want to do, and it’s especially okay to follow our own path toward anything in life that’s about us.
I’ll confess that my disdain for resolutions came with some guilt, for not being ambitious enough, until I realized that was a lie. I have all the freedom in the world to embrace the way I move forward, and that, like everything I do comes from within. When I really listen, my Knowing always whispers what I need. The people in my life, the words I absorb, the lessons I learn along the way all help to get me there. It’s time to take back the reins of our own choices and lean into trust and intuition, which requires releasing the approval and expectation of others.
Maybe this year I’ll eat more brownies. Maybe I’ll decide to fit into that dress instead. Maybe I’ll spend more days doing nothing without regret. Maybe I’ll decide to wake up earlier, meditate and feel productive. The thing doesn’t matter, the motivation behind it does and how it makes us feel. Perhaps, after everything we would benefit most from just being present in the moment and loving ourselves so fiercely that we instinctively feel what aligns and what no longer fits. Doesn’t that sound more relaxed and less judgmental?
As for me, I’m going to be resolute in my contentment…
Leaning in.
Getting real.
Letting go.
Being honest.
Practicing intention.
Eating brownies.
Lowely human indeed!
You are a confident fresh breath of air to this human and many others
Take whatever means necessary to relax your mind because to me, THAT is the ultimate achievement