Own Your Brave
While waiting for my labs, this vibrant nurse asked what brought me to North Carolina. I told her that my life had presented me with a lot of transitions and closed doors so I had some open windows to find. I had done the work and knew I wasn’t running away from anything, but moving toward something that was meant for me, which included a new experience. So I sold everything, packed my car and came sight unseen to a place that was recommended by my sister. I told her it was the scariest and best decision I ever made, and that when I got here I knew I was home. Without missing a beat, she told me I was Brave and that she’s just not. I replied, “We all take risks in our own way and I’ve never met a woman who hasn’t had to be Brave in her life.” She just stopped what she was doing, then looked at me, took a deep breath and practically whispered with awe in her voice, “Wow. Yes. Truer words were never spoken. Thank you. I’d forgotten how Brave I’ve had to be sometimes.”
We do that, you know, we forget that sometimes just getting through the day requires us to be Brave. I see that especially in women. We’re so adept at surviving challenges, so comfortable with our own resilience and making ourselves small that we underestimate just how amazing we are and what it took to get to the other side! It’s time to stop doing that.
I was in my car last week listening to a news story about courage that triggered me and I found myself tearing up. I’m an empath, deeply sensitive, and feel energy from others, so that wasn’t unusual but the underlying feeling behind it surprised me. It was about me. It was fragility. As I explored that, I found myself realizing that lately I haven’t felt Brave. I feel like I might shatter in a light breeze. I don’t usually walk around thinking I’m Brave but I live my life with a lot of confidence in my resilience. I don’t question whether I can get through something. Life has provided me with evidence and sound knowledge that I can handle anything, because I have so far. Lately, however, I feel like I am trying to keep my balance between being proactive and just being done. I’m spent. Then I realized that I was not allowing myself the grace that I offer my friends. I would never look at one of them dealing with what I’m dealing with and not give them room to feel whatever they needed, without judgment. And I would think they’re Brave! We are always so much harder on ourselves. What I knew intellectually and what I was feeling in my being were so different. Brave is not only about being strong through challenges, feeling bulletproof, powering through fear or taking huge leaps of faith. Sometimes Brave is about just showing up. In our weakness, in our vulnerability, in our exhaustion and when we are most afraid and uncertain. Brave has many faces, one of which is not really knowing what’s next and not really knowing if you can hold on, but somehow you do.
A lot has changed for me in the last couple months and like many of us, I have felt like life hurled me into the deep end of the ocean where I can’t swim but am expected to stay and keep trying. I have calm days where I’m treading water or even floating with my face toward the sun, and other days where I am simply flailing for fear of drowning. It’s all part of my life right now. We go through so many shifts and transitions during adversity that sometimes it’s hard to feel anything but the weight of it. At times, we push ourselves to a point where we just can’t do another thing because we’re so afraid of not feeling strong. That actually happened to me last week and I just had to stop. It was kind of an incredible feeling. To stop flailing. To stop treading water. To just stop. To trust. And what I discovered was that I didn’t drown. I relaxed into the furious water and the waves of life and just let myself go with it. Our bodies are amazing and they will always signal to us when our spirit, our minds or actual physical self needs to take a rest. Then we must honor that and give ourselves space to simply be so we can heal from whatever stress has been happening to us. When I did that it meant I had to upend my life, change my plans and release some of my responsibilities. And I realized that over the last few weeks I have really been exploring the nuances of what I’ve been going through and it’s been a teacher to me. The fact that I would even bother looking at any of that, is Brave. I am Brave.
Brave is each of my three daughters going through life-altering changes right now, at the same time. They are all taking risks in their own way and with nothing in front of them but desire, hope and belief in themselves. They are relinquishing their comforts, making a plan and jumping into the unknown to live their best life! I am in awe of these beautiful humans.
Brave is my friend who went through endless chemotherapy treatments to find herself utterly depleted, helped along by a pandemic and crippling isolation. Yet, she reached out and asked me how one begins to find self love after losing their essence. She said one of my blogs inspired her and I remember thinking how Brave it was that with no energy and everything she’d been through she wanted to do the work to love herself again. It requires enormous motivation to relearn something when you’ve lost so much. That’s Brave.
I have girlfriends who constantly call themselves out in their relationships, as partners, employees and friends. They dig, excavate and strive to understand their feelings so they can be a better, more present individual. These powerhouse women choose not to neglect something they’ve committed to, whether it feels like their responsibility at the time or not. They don’t plow through their feelings with careless reactions, but instead seek to connect with and understand the root of their emotions. They are self-aware and wise and they know that real growth starts with them. That is Brave. We live in a society that tries to answer problems of the heart with emojis and memes and doesn’t respect the truth of self-discovery. When we choose to know ourselves with such clarity and own our behavior it is fierce, humble, and it is Brave. I know these women. I am this woman. And I love being in the company of such greatness.
I just want you to know, those of you out there thrashing around in the deep end of the storm with nothing in sight but endless waves crashing over your head, sucking the breath from your body, that I understand what the fear of drowning feels like and I know you’re Brave. You’re not just letting go while the current pulls you under. You’re paddling and you’re fighting. And it might be a long time until you see land. I know you’re exhausted. But you’re fucking Brave. If nobody’s told you that I want you to know it. I also want you to know that if you just let go and float for a while, that’s Brave too. I’m still in the water, but it’s not so scary now.
Throughout my life I have faced many situations that have asked me to be Brave. Some were horrendous and required years of healing and some were simply the unexpected life moments that throw us into the unknown. Each time my Brave looked different. Sometimes it’s fierce, powerful and filled with fire. Other times it quietly sits with you. A scant whisper reminding you that you’re still here. Because you choose to be.
Feeling fragile and being Brave are not mutually exclusive. I needed that reminder again.
I am specifically calling you out to Own Your Brave.
Brave, as a verb because it requires enduring, facing, choosing. Even if you’re just breathing in and out to get through your day, YOU are making that happen. When you’re depleted. When you can’t see your next step. When your loneliness overwhelms you. When all you want to do is cry.
That’s Brave.
I want you to get that.
I want you to hear that.
I Want You To Own Your Brave.