My Evolution

Since I was a young girl and continually found myself crushed beneath the feet of people with more power, there has always been a deeply rooted part of me that wanted to excavate love and inclusiveness in the world. With time, I recognized that I had a gift for making people feel like they matter, for inviting conversations from different points of view and valuing people for their individuality. When I began posting on Facebook my messages were about love, self worth, kindness and making our corner of the world a little bit better. I invited people to look inward and cast their net as wide as they could make a difference. I believe that to my core more than ever right now. But my messages do not look the same because we are not living in the same world. The cracks have been illuminated and the light it shines on our inequities demands our attention. Make no mistake, we are in a revolution my friends, one that requires every ounce of our conviction. Or our regret forever. 

There is a huge storm brewing in our country, one that will lead to our demise. Lines have been drawn, weapons both physical and emotional are being used, voices are louder, stronger and angrier than ever. Within a few short weeks into the pandemic, I had taken my stance for wearing masks and shared those reminders on Facebook. I believed then, as now, that it is the simplest, kindest thing we can offer to help get this virus under control. I couldn’t have been more shocked when it became a political talking point and all of a sudden you could look up and see who was who by whether they were wearing a mask or not. There was no discernible voice of reason in the hateful, judgemental responses I was getting and I made a lot of people angry who justified and refused to look at their own behavior. Of course, I don’t like that but it doesn’t deter me when I am standing in my truth. That is vital for each of us to identify.

Soon after that, civil unrest exploded with the death of George Floyd. It had been a long time coming, but with the world being more sensitive, stripped of all its comforts, financial security, music and art, it all bubbled to the surface. Our emotional safe places and diversions were laid bare and we had nothing to do but look at our feelings and they terrified us. The rage and fear was palpable, and we began to recognize a great divide. With that event and the uprising, there was a deep and permanent shift in me, and it was powerful and undenaible! By that time I was already blogging, and like everything I share, I was compelled to use my voice for this cause. It came from the deepest part of my soul, the part of me that I call my Knowing that tells me exactly what I should do and when I should do it. It is not always comfortable or something I would ask for, or even understand, but it always leads me to growth and to what someone else needs. I could not in good conscience, with my black and brown friends who I adore, surrounding me, remain quiet to the violent injustices that are going on. It wasn’t new for them, but a huge wake up call for me. I was heartbroken, aware in a new and meaningful way and could no longer carry the shame of my inherent ignorance and be unwilling to do something about it. I knew it would mean discomfort to many of my good and decent white friends who were not yet ready to look. 

All of a sudden I was certain that I was no longer being loving or kind to remain silent. How can I advocate kindness and love when so many people I know live in fear and are being destroyed?

My silence is compliance.

I don’t have the right to be comfortable in my little bubble while violence, centuries old brutality, and blatant racism burn through our cities. 

I was raised in a family that was neither political or even involved in current events, making any kind of free thinking an evolution for me and always a fight against the status quo, in every aspect of life. I don’t even remember watching the news growing up, so much of what I learned was a whitewashed version from school or any research I did on my own. For the majority of my life I was a conservative Christian and not because I believed in a certain party but because my values were more aligned there. This is the interesting thing…although the region I lived in wasn’t very diverse I always had an innate sense of fairness, but there were things I obviously didn’t know and always found myself searching for. Something existed that aligned with who I knew I was and it called to me. Over time I have found that my open-mindedness and tendency to act for the greater good allowed for a more diverse political view, and I found common ground with some good friends that helped me expand my thinking further. It felt like home to me to include everyone. 

I’ve always been able to respect other views and agree to disagree, until now. This is no longer about party or partisan, it is quite simply about the narcissistic power driven man himself, Donald Trump, devoid of moral fiber, who has been entrusted to nurture and guide our country, and does so with an eye single to destruction. He dehumanizes people, promoting rage and vengeance as he strives to eradicate entire classes of human beings. He is popular because he gives hate a voice and a flag to wave. This is not tolerable behavior, this is not human decency. This is soulless. The President of The United States just threatened a coup if the election doesn’t go his way and if that doesn’t scare you or make you realize who he is I can’t agree to disagree with you. He is decimating the democracy he vowed to protect, and I wouldn’t care WHO he is, red or blue, right or left. This is not about how we want our eggs in the morning, this is about human beings. I draw lines in the sand when it comes to morals, to racism, to the rights of anyone that is different than you or me. It is a deal-breaker. Everything in me has to speak up. 

I had an enlightening conversation with my daughter Chelsea the other day. She has taught me so much about political evolution, ahead of her time way back in junior high, always challenging the narrative and leaning into truth, love, equality and justice. She heard her own voice much sooner than I heard mine and I am humbled by her. We talked about white privilege and the inherent racism that many of us have and why it is so frightening for us to take a look at that sometimes. We agreed that it is our time to be uncomfortable, and that without that discomfort we might never challenge our own internal narrative. It doesn’t mean we’re bad unless we decide to close our eyes to it. 

My daughters have always been my Touchstone. They are brave, strong and independent, and we have this gloriously liberated relationship where we can say anything, seriously anything, to each other and call each other out on our shit. They have held my hand and heart through my evolution. When I told Chelsea that a dear friend had acknowledged her discomfort with my new political posts and said that I am dismantling character and devaluing people who think differently, I asked for her insight, just to check myself. She didn’t hesitate and said to me, “Mom, no. YOU are dismantling and devaluing the white, racial, patriarchal system that has been the cornerstone of an unfair government.”

And today, she sent me this, my sweet and beautiful girl…

“We all have a lot to unlearn and unpack. I’m glad we’re on this journey together.” 

If I had a shred of doubt about my purpose and my truth going forward it completely dissipated. Another reminder that my truth is never going to steer me wrong, the people who really need it will receive it, and a way will always be provided for me. 

This is a revolution. You have a place here. If you are compelled to create change right now, then quiet the outside chatter, the opinions of others, even your closest friends who need you to stay where you are, and listen. Go forward with your voice, encouraged and strong, however that looks for you, and trust that you are right where you belong doing exactly what is called of you.